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Presidential Nominees - Hogwarts Edition

Are you a Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Slytherin??

April 05, 2019

In between all of the Mueller Report nonsense and each Democratic candidate trying to get our attention, we decided to play Sorting Hat and put them into their Hogwarts Houses. Because we're fun like that. Which House are you in? 


The Gryffindors


Kamala Harris. If you know Kamala you know this is true. She’s been a badass since the second she stepped into Congress. She has never been afraid to speak her mind (see: Kavanaugh hearings), and she’s ready to take on the presidency and the world.

Elizabeth Warren. The Sorting Hat definitely had some trouble on this one. Warren could have been a Gryffindor or a Ravenclaw. She’s kind of like Hermione in that way. But in the end, we know she’s going to be a hero. Her smarts make her brave and that’s what’s going to push her through.

Beto O’Rourke. This is the most obvious one of them all, honestly. Who else but a Gryffindor could lose a Senate race and then believe they could be President. I mean really.

Mayor Pete Buttigieg. Even though he thinks he’s a Hufflepuff. If you’re following Chasten Buttigieg on Twitter (which you should be tbh) you know he thinks his husband, Mayor Pete, is a Hufflepuff. But we’re not so sure. Mayor Pete is a Vet, he isn’t afraid to speak his mind, and he’s the first openly gay candidate to run. He’s pretty dang brave and we’re ready to see where that will take him.


The Ravenclaws 


Bernie Sanders. Bernie is a Ravenclaw to the core. He’s incredibly smart, sticks to his guns, and don’t tell me you can’t see him answering riddles to enter the Oval Office.

Julian Castro. Castro is a Ravenclaw all the way. For an unknown candidate, he has continued to edge his way into the spotlight by giving the media attractive headlines and one-liners. He first gained name recognition after giving the keynote speech at the Democratic National Convention in 2012 (you have to be smart to do that, right??). Now, he’s appealing to Latinx voters who he believes will be the key to his victory, along with supporting the progressive policies the rest of the Democratic candidates are.

Andrew Yang. This guy is smart, smart, smart. Andrew Yang has based his campaign around Universal Basic Income, which would give every U.S. citizen over 18 years old $1,000 a month. He’s conducted research on the timeline of American jobs in light of the technology boom and believes that Univeral Basic Income is the way to bring more Americans into the middle class. Smart.

Jay Inslee. Inslee is smart and strategic. If his passion wasn’t saving the earth, he could almost be a Slytherin. But since he’s dedicated his life and his presidential campaign to stopping climate change and creating sustainable energy and jobs, he’s definitely a Ravenclaw.


The Hufflepuffs 


John Delany. You probably don’t know this guy is running, which is why we’re putting him as a Hufflepuff. Every Gryffindor you know is running, and probably most of the Ravenclaws as well. They’re out and ready to fight for their shot. But John Delany is just a former Congressman who’s coming along for the ride.

Kirsten Gillibrand. Look...we like Gillibrand. She’s making her agenda all about women, which is AMAZING. But she’s just not quiiiiite there. She means well but is just plugging away without a reward. You may have forgotten that she’s running at this point. She might be a Luna honestly - amazing, super helpful, but just not a main character.

Cory Booker. Oh, Cory. He wants to be a Gryffindor (Obama) so badly. He follows Harry around constantly but he’s a sweet Hufflepuff at heart. Although, he’s definitely a Cedric Diggory type.

Amy Klobuchar. This Midwestern gal has put her hat into the ring and is chugging along in the races. Although she’s tried to make herself the “moderate” candidate, she’s gotten lost in the crowd and isn’t really standing out.

John Hickenlooper. Former Hickenlooper did a great job as Colorado Governor and honestly could have gone the Ravenclaw path. But Hickenlooper is just a Colorado boy running his own brewery at heart. And if that doesn’t say Hufflepuff we don’t know what does.



The Slytherins 


Tulsi Gabbard. Between her anti-LGBTQ+ stance and the fact she supports Assad...you know. 


And you already KNOW who Voldemort is...



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